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Just Your Typical DC Yard Sale

“Natural Selection” indeed.

Washington, DC On my way back to D.C. from the Maryland Hunt Cup this past weekend, I passed a sign that read “Family Yard Sale” by the side of the road. I pulled over to find this: a patch of grass staked with PVC pipes supporting the maimed carcasses of bootylicious mannequins. Their figures, clad in the spandex of a bygone era, were positioned provocatively towards the street, which is to say that each specimen stood rump-out. Meanwhile, a building across the street bore a Heineken billboard that read “Natural Selection.” Natural Selection my ass! Wait a minute…

After noting the ingenious product placement, a few thoughts popped to mind. Namely, what the hell kind of a family only sells leggings at a yard sale? And then, what the hell kind of a family wants to get RID of these stretchy treasures? And lastly, is it reasonable to buy hideously printed spandex pants with the hope that one day I could wear them to a “Saved by the Bell” themed party?

My verdict was no, that would be the opposite of reasonable, so I got back in the car and left. As you’d expect, I’ve been suffering from buyer’s remorse ever since.

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